Modern Day Happiness

3-5 min read

Happiness is exalted by many, but experienced by few. People talk about how to get it -- and once they have it — how to keep it.  The problem is that happiness isn't something you can have — let alone keep. We hear about the elusiveness of happiness in everyday sayings such as "money can’t buy you happiness," but for most of us money is a cause of stress and anxiety. The liberation of being monetarily independent does feel like it could definitely "buy" us happiness in a sense; the trouble is that if you have the wrong expectation of happiness you're sure to be let down often, regardless of how rich you are.

Happiness is not something that can be broadly defined for everybody. More and more with the prevalence of social media, it’s hard to picture happiness without thinking of endless vacations, expensive clothing, the latest tech, and fast cars. It’s easy to get caught up in others’ dreams and believe that for even yourself, happiness is directly correlated to your wealth and social status. Don’t be fooled, chasing other peoples’ dreams will not be fulfilling, and it will certainly not bring you happiness. As I said earlier, happiness cannot be defined by one broad sentence or brush stroke. It’s entirely possible that some people will not be happy until they finally get a Lambo and their third vacation home. They may not be satisfied with taking a day off and simply lounging around enjoying the outdoors or indoors, thinking that every second passing by them is wasted opportunity to earn more money or gain more followers or solve more problems. To them, I would argue that life is more than a set of problems to solve and dollars to earn. However, my message is for those that may be stuck chasing dreams that are not theirs, spending their time on things that are not making them happy, and, most importantly, feeling ashamed for spending their time doing the things that actually do bring them joy. I’ve fallen victim of it myself, thinking I’ve wasted time on a day where I did nothing but smoke weed and play video games. In the end, there is no such thing as wasted time. 

To me, happiness is simply a moment in time where you are completely present. It's a moment where you forget about any and all of your troubles and enjoy yourself unimpeded by other thoughts and emotions. Happiness comes and goes as much as it ebbs and flows. It can be easily influenced, and just as quickly taken away. Too often individuals put pressure on themselves to be happy. In their quest, however, lies their downfall. Due to common misconceptions of happiness and the ever growing presence of social media, people let their idea of happiness become askew. From scrolling through Instagram and watching others live a calculated, edited life of their dreams, to thinking that we need to constantly be moving forward and constantly pushing ourselves in order to be happy and successful. So what do we do? We “grind”. We work harder, because those who are at the top don't take breaks, and they sure as hell don't take days off. We should, then, turn off our television, stop playing our games, and leave our friend’s house to get out there and work. When I catch myself comparing my life to others, I like to take a step back and remember that we're all going to die anyway. 

…That took a turn, didn't it? Let me explain:

One of my favourite videos of all time is a video about called Optimistic Nihilism by Kurzgesagt. The video basically explains the mindset of Optimistic Nihilism. “Nihilism” is the belief that life and existence is meaningless and therefore worthless. We’re just smart animals after all. Sure, we may believe in other reasons for our existence such as faith and religion, but at the end of the day there’s only real evidence for one thing: death.  Optimistic Nihilism, then, is that if life really is meaningless, it’s up to us to give it meaning. That concept may leave you with feelings of existential dread. To me, I feel that it can set us free. We all have a limited time on Earth. If you’re 25 now, and you live to be 75, that’s 2,600 weeks. How you choose to spend that time is up to you. Why waste it worrying about the things that are entirely out of your control? There are no set rules to life; no right or wrong way to live, and no single definition of success or happiness. Anything you’ve ever heard about happiness and success was made up by someone no smarter than you. Don’t feel like you’re constrained by arbitrary constructs of the world. Don’t let people dictate how you should spend your time and don’t let them tell you that if you’re not doing something that they think should be done then you’re a failure. Literally every single person who has and who will ever live will surely end up dead. When you are dead, you cannot spend or earn money, you cannot post stories on social media. It is all meaningless in the blink of an eye. 

My message about happiness is this: if nothing matters and we all end up dead, then you might as well try to be happy while you’re here on Earth. You should not compromise your happiness because of social standards that were defined by others. You should not compromise your happiness based on what you think other people may think of you. Happiness and success are yours to decide, they simply cannot be defined by others, as it has a unique meaning for each and every one of us. I think a lot of people forget that, and they strive to achieve other peoples’ definition of success and happiness.  Focus on the things that are happening to you now and choose how you will react to them. Do not get hung up on the things you cannot change. If you’re hung up on an argument, a bad interview, a breakup, or whatever it may be, you have two choices: either build a time machine and go fix it, or let it go. My guess is that you’re not building a time machine, so let it go. Learn from it, but let it go. The best thing you can do is take what you’ve learnt and apply it for the next time you’re in a similar situation.  

If you find yourself in a place where you’re frequently unhappy, you may need to take some long moments and try to identify the root cause and try to determine which parts are directly in your control, and which parts are not. There are always ways for you to modify your behaviour, your reactions, and your decisions that can help you be happier more often. I acknowledge that this is perhaps an idealistic way to think about things, but the main point is that we can only control a very small amount of what goes on in our lives. If you have the power to take a step back and try to identify which areas you control, you have a great starting point to work towards. To get you going I’ll end this post by asking you to think about what truly makes you happy, what are those little pleasures that you can’t wait to do when you get home from work? Like with happiness and success, there are no wrong answers to this question. Do what makes you happy, take care of your happiness before helping others with theirs, and don’t get caught up in what others are doing, it has no bearing on your life.